by Nameless Ensign



A Voyager fanfiction short story, written 2002. Rated PG.

Disclaimer: Star Trek:Voyager and the characters used in this story all belong to Paramount. No infringement intended.



I stand in the rain outside his door, trying to decide whether or not to ring the bell.
     What can I say? How can I explain these turbulent and contradicting emotions that rush through me with every heartbeat?
     Slowly, I lower the hand that’s been hovering over the doorbell. I sigh and turn away, gently touching the door as I turn. I walk away slowly, watching my feet as I go. The rain is pouring down mercilessly, but the cold drops seem comforting somehow. As if it’s momentarily subduing another, less tangible, pain. Left foot, right foot. I have no idea where I’m heading -- the transporter, I guess.
     I hear a door open and I hear laughter. It’s them. I tell myself not to turn around, not to look, knowing what it’ll do to me. But I do it anyway.
     He’s standing in the doorway, holding her tightly, lowering his head to kiss her. And I’m overwhelmed by grief again. The tears that I thought had dried fall down my cheeks yet again, blending with the rain as my vision blur.
     I turn away, I continue to walk as my shoulders heave with each sob.
     "I hate you, I hate you both."
     I repeat it like it’s a mantra, even though I know I don’t mean it. But oh, how I wish I did. Then suddenly my mantra changes.
     "I love you, Chakotay," I whisper to myself, knowing he’ll never hear me say it.

He’ll just be a slowly fading memory.



<-- Main page





Email the author!
Your name:
Email address:
Comments:

Note: If you're using IE 6+ and WinXP, you might get redirected to your email program when clicking "Send" instead of sending your message with this form.