by Nameless Ensign



A humoristic and erotic Voyager fanfic, written 2003. Includes slash. Rated R.

Thanks to Shayenne for the beta read!

Disclaimer: Star Trek:Voyager and the characters used in this story all belong to Paramount. No infringement intended.



“Thank you, Ambassador.” She smiled graciously. “To actually be able to land Voyager for an overhaul is fantastic.”
      The alien ambassador smiled back at her. “My pleasure, Captain Janeway.”
      She smiled some more – smiling at alien ambassadors was always a good idea – it usually kept them calm and generous. “Janeway out.”
      The comm screen went blank and she leaned back in her chair, turning her face into the warmth of the sun shining through the viewports. “Just imagine, if captaining a starship always was this nice and easy...”
      “You’d be bored to tears, Kathryn.”
      She laughed and turned to her first officer, sitting in the chair across her desk. “And so would you...” She lowered her voice. “Cha-ko-tay.”
      Now why had she done that? She kept smiling at him, basking in the warm brown pools that were his eyes, trying to lure that dimpled smile to stay longer, knowing she shouldn’t. But it was just so... nice.
      “... lunch?”
      She blinked at him. “What?”
      “How about some lunch?”
      Her smile returned. “Sure.”
      Following him onto the bridge, she openly appreciated the view of his muscular back and behind. Watching the fabric of his uniform stretch over his wonderfully rounded butt cheeks made her want to reach out and touch them. The unmistakable feeling of someone staring at her made her look up – into the black eyes of her Vulcan security officer. She was expecting an eyebrow raised disapprovingly but instead he winked. She shook her head, blinked, and looked back at him. Ah, there it was, the disapproving look. Suspicious, she backed away and caught up with Chakotay just as the turbolift doors opened.
      “What the hell’s going on?”
      “Umm, let’s see. Voyager is having an overhaul on a wonderfully beautiful planet. Her crew is enjoying some time off, and her captain is trying to seduce the first officer. Successfully, I might add.”
      “What?! I am not!”
      He inched closer. “Then why the ‘Chaa-koo-taay’ and the staring at my butt?”
      Heat was rising in her cheeks. “Well... I... uh...”
      “Because you’re trying to seduce me.”
      “I am not! I just... well... I like your name and your butt.” She stood defiantly, her hands on her hips.
      He moved closer still. “I like your name too... Kathryn. Only I never get to use it in public.” He reached around her to gently squeeze her behind. “And I like your butt too.”
      The ‘lift slowed and he moved away from her, looking as if nothing had happened. She leaned back against the wall, wondering if she’d developed asthma. It was suddenly very hard to breathe.
      The ‘lift doors opened and Chakotay stepped outside. “Are you coming... Kathryn?”
      She moved towards the ‘lift doors, squeezing herself past Lieutenant Ayala who was stepping inside the ‘lift. She was about to launch into a tirade about how using her first name on duty just might get a certain first officer demoted, when she felt a hand on her behind and turned to see Ayala smiling widely. What was this? The national squeeze-the-captain’s-butt-day? She drew in a breath as if to speak and her hands went to her hips again, but just then, the ‘lift doors closed and Ayala disappeared from view.
      “Damn him,” she muttered.
      “What?”
      “Damim – I’m trying to remember what the ambassador called this part of the planet. Wasn’t it Damim?”
      Chakotay eyed her suspiciously. “Tarium.”
      She smiled innocently at him. “Ah. Right.”
      “Torres to Captain Janeway.”
      She tapped her combadge. “Janeway here, go ahead B’Elanna.”
      “Do you have a minute, Captain? There’s something I’d like to show you in Engineering.”
      “I’ll be right there. Janeway out.” She looked at Chakotay, smiling apologetically. “Duty calls.”
      Chakotay flashed his dimples in a wide smile, nodded, and turned to leave.
      She damned him for making her want to follow him. “Duty calls,” she repeated to herself and turned back to the turbolift.

“What did you wanted to show me, Lieutenant?”
      B’Elanna gestured for her to follow and started walking towards the far end of Engineering. She pointed at a monitor. “These readings.”
      “An irregularity in the plasma flow readings?”
      “Yes, it originates from section Alpha-three.”
      Janeway furrowed her brow. B’Elanna had called her here for this? This is what she gave up an hour of dimples in the mess hall for? “So why don’t you go there and have a look?”
      The engineer sighed and put her hands on her hips, matching her captain’s impatient stance. “We’ve tried. Section Alpha-two is locked off with a security code.”
      “What?”
      “Exactly.”
      “Let’s go have a look. Bring a couple of phasers, just in case.”
      “Aye, Captain.”
      As B’Elanna walked away to collect the weapons, Kathryn found herself admiring the soft sway of her engineer’s hips. She smiled. Why not? B’Elanna was an attractive woman. A fierce Klingon personality locked up in a short but well-trimmed body. Firm, strong...
      “Captain?”
      She looked up into the eyes of that fierce Klingon, slightly embarrassed. What was going on? Why was she having erotic thoughts about every crewmember on board? She straightened her back. Section Alpha-two was locked out with a security code, it was a serious matter. She needed to focus. “Are we ready to go?”
      “Yes, ma’am.”
      “All right. Lead the way.”

“Oh, I remember now,” Kathryn exclaimed as they got close to the locked-out section.
      “What?”
      “We locked this section during the last bout with the Borg.”
      “Ah,” B’Elanna said unenthusiastically and stopped at the door that blocked further access. She turned onto her back so she could look at her captain. “Well, I still need your codes to open it so I can fix whatever’s wrong.”
      “Of course.”
      There really was no room to change places gracefully, and after a brief moment of hesitation, Kathryn moved to straddle B’Elanna. Kathryn reached for the control panel above B’Elanna to enter the security code. There were only an inch between their bodies – an inch between her and the body she’d been admiring only a few minutes earlier. She found she didn’t really want to move, even when the door was unlocked. Apparently, B’Elanna felt the same way, Kathryn could feel B’Elanna’s hands travel up her legs. Kathryn sighed with pleasure and closed her eyes. Before she knew it, she was lying flat on her back. B’Elanna shot forward, and Kathryn felt the sting of a Klingon love-bite on her cheek. Then B’Elanna placed a soft kiss on her lips. Such a contrast, Kathryn thought. Such an arousing, sweet, and devilish contrast. She arched her body off the floor to deepen the kiss, as the battle of their tongues got fiercer.
      B’Elanna broke the kiss with a low growl. “Have you ever made love to a Klingon before?”
      “Well... actually...”
      “Good, then you know what to do.”
      Kathryn smiled at B’Elanna, then reversed their positions again in one swift movement. She was trained in one or two battle techniques herself. And they would come in handy now, as an exquisite and erotic battle began in the cramped Jeffries tube.

“Emergency Medical Hologram’s log, supplemental.”
      The Doctor paused – it made the logs more dramatic, he thought.
      “Captain Janeway came to see me at twelve hundred hours. Which in itself is unusual. What was even more disturbing were her injuries. She had strained a muscle in her back, which was causing her to limp painfully, and she also had several bruises. I asked her repeatedly who had caused these injuries but she wouldn’t tell me. She just... blushed.”
      The Doctor was visibly disturbed by the thought, he got up and started pacing his office.
      “That’s when I noticed a cut on her cheek consistent with those sustained in the initiation of the Klingon mating ritual. And we only have one person with Klingon blood on board Voyager.”
      He paused again, furrowed his brow.
      “I really thought Captain Janeway was the old-fashioned opposite-sex-only type of person. It seems now I was wrong in thinking that.”
      His eyebrows lifted.
      “Of course, this might explain how she has been able to withstand Commander Chakotay’s repeated attempts at seduction for so long. But... I wonder what Tom Paris thinks of this? Was he there too? Or...” He paused again, for the dramatic effect. “Perhaps Tom Paris doesn’t know?”
      “Know what, Doc?”
      Tom Paris was standing in the doorway.
      “You’ll know in time if you don’t already. Doctor-patient confidentiality.”
      “Something wrong with B’Elanna?”
      “Oh, no. At least, I don’t think so.” The Doctor furrowed his brow again. Lieutenant Torres should have sustained similar damages... but she hadn’t come to see him.
      “All right. Well I’m off now, Doc. See you tomorrow!”
      “Have a nice evening, Lieutenant Paris.”
      The Doctor sat down in his chair again.
      “Computer, continue recording log after ‘And we only have one person with Klingon blood on board Voyager’.”
      “Recording,” the emotionless voice of the computer said.
      “Also, Seven came to see me at eleven forty-two, saying there was nothing wrong with her, that she just wanted to see for herself if I was...” He paused and looked around to make sure no one was listening. “...if I was indeed anatomically correct. Of course, I told her the truth – my anatomy is entirely customizable. As flattering as the encounter was, I realized something wasn’t right; she had raised levels of pheromones in her blood, heightened blood pressure, increased heart rate. When I tried to examine her, she just sighed and left, mumbling something about ‘finding a more suitable subject’.”
      He stood up again. Standing up while recording his log brought out the fine baritone qualities of his voice, he thought.
      “I’m not sure if these incidents are connected, but I’ve also had several crewmembers come to renew their contraceptives ... including Commander Tuvok.”
      He slumped back in the chair.
      “Something is obviously amiss. Computer, end log.”
      He tapped his combadge. “Doctor to Captain Janeway.”
      No reply.
      “Doctor to Captain Janeway.”
      “This is Ayala.”
      The Doctor sat up straight in his chair. Was that panting he heard in the background?
      “Ayala? Where is the captain?”
      Ayala laughed contentedly. “She’s not the captain right now.”
      “Excuse me?”
      “Oh, and don’t bother calling Chakotay either. I’ve taken a little prize and I just called my Maquis captain over to... examine it.”
      “Commander Chakotay?”
      There was a loud sucking sound and some definitely female moaning. The kind of throaty female moaning that could only originate from Captain Janeway.
      “Doc, this is Janeway. Oh...” Some more moaning made its way over the comm link. “I’ve been taken prisoner by the... ah... Maquis. And don’t you dare try to rescue me!”
      “So do you give up?” Commander Chakotay’s voice was heard over the comlink, but his voice was thick with arousal and... amusement? The Doctor was fairly certain the question wasn’t directed at him.
      The panting grew louder.
      “Never.” The captain’s voice was hard, low, and also held definite signs of arousal.
      The Doctor quickly tapped his combadge to terminate the link. Who would have thought? The Captain obviously held more surprises than he had realized.

Janeway happily stumbled into her quarters, grinning widely. If she had known that being a Maquis prisoner was so much fun, she would have given up the moment Chakotay stepped onto her bridge. She shed the remainder of her torn uniform, heading for the bathroom and a hot bath. At the door to the bathroom, she stopped dead in her tracks. The tub was already filled, candles lit, and the wonderful scent of roses filled the room. There in her bathtub, surrounded by pink floating rosebuds, was Seven. At the sight of her captain, she sat up, her generous breasts bobbing on the water’s surface, tickled by the rosebuds. Janeway drew in a deep breath. “Seven.”
      “Captain.”
      “Oh no, don’t you ‘Captain’ me. Not when you’re in my bathtub showing off that wonderful...” She moved to kneel beside the bathtub and reached out to caress a pink nipple. “...bosom of yours.”
      The look on Seven’s face was adorable, Janeway thought. Confusion mixed with pleasure.
      “Then how do I address you?”
      “How about Kathryn?” She pinched the rosy nipple and was rewarded with a moan. “Or you bitch? You horny slut?”
      She stood up, dropping the last of her clothing on the bathroom floor, and got into the tub. She sighed contentedly. The feel of Sevens long legs rubbing against hers just made it more enjoyable. This was bliss. A rose-scented heaven.
      “Torres to Janeway.”
      “Mmm... Janeway here. What’s on your mind, B’Elanna?”
      “Can I come over?”
      “Sure. We’re in the bathroom, the door is unlocked.”
      “Who else is...”
      “Janeway out.”
      She turned and smiled at Seven. “Now, where were we?”
      One of Seven’s hands moved to examine Kathryn’s breasts, followed by the former drone’s lips. “Here?”
      Kathryn leaned back, thoroughly enjoying herself, and wrapped her legs around Seven.
      Muttering was heard from the doorway.
      “Hello B’Elanna. Want to join us?”
      “Won’t she rust?”
      A throaty laugh escaped Kathryn, and she looked down at Seven, totally immersed in the task of teasing Kathryn’s nipples.
      “Don’t be such a bad sport, B’Elanna.” Kathryn moved her hands to caress Seven’s back. “Join us instead. Oh, that’s wonderful, Seven. Where’s Tom, by the way?”
      B’Elanna started to undress. “Well... after our encounter in the Jeffries tube I went to my quarters to get my dermal regenerator. Tom was there... and... well... we were busy until ten minutes ago.”
      Seven came up for air and looked into her captain’s eyes. “You bitch,” she whispered, “you horny slut.”
      B’Elanna stepped forward. “Hey!”
      “It’s okay, B’Elanna sweetie.” Janeway looked at B’Elanna affectionately and drew her down for a kiss. “Now what happened ten minutes ago?”
      “The men all went to the holodeck.”
      Kathryn sat up straight, a jealous look on her face. “What?”
      B’Elanna crept into the tub and sighed. “Oh, don’t worry. There are no women there. Not even holographic. I checked.”
      Seven turned crimson red. “There are no... females there... at all?”
      B’Elanna laughed. “Relax, Seven. It’s no worse than us being here, is it?”
      “I wonder if the Doctor is there too?” Seven mused.
      “Let’s find out, shall we?” Kathryn reached for her combadge. “Janeway to the EMH.”
      “This is the Doctor. Thank heavens you’re all right, Captain.”
      “Why wouldn’t I be?”
      “Well... you know. Anyway, I’ve just spoken to the Tarium ambassador.”
      “How come?”
      “It hasn’t occurred to you that something strange is going on? Tuvok requesting contraceptives? You coming to sickbay to be treated for injuries that can only be sustained in a Klingon mating ritual? Seven coming over to see if I’m anatomically correct?”
      “Customizable,” Seven said.
      “How come Lieutenant Torres never came over to have her injuries treated, by the way?” the Doctor asked.
      “She’s got her own dermal regenerator.”
      “Ah. Well, the ambassador told me that today is the traditional day of mating, and after hours of careful analysis I’ve been able to isolate an airborne pheromone that has managed to penetrate Voyagers planetary air filters. The ambassador assures me it will wear off in another few hours, but I’m currently working on a way to counteract it.”
      Janeway’s face grew dark. “Why would you want to counteract it?”
      “Customizable,” Seven said again, smiling.
      “What was that, Seven?” Kathryn asked.
      “She is referring to my... anatomy, Captain,” the Doctor explained.
      “Customizable you say?” Kathryn was grinning widely. “Janeway out.”
      She looked at the two women that were relaxing among the rosebuds in her bathtub.
      “Are you girls thinking what I’m thinking?”
      B’Elanna nodded and got up, a determined look on her face. “Yep. You two keep him occupied while I do a little work on his subroutines. To make him susceptible to the pheromones...”
      Kathryn grinned widely and took a flustered Seven by the hand. “Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

She awoke sweaty, and sticky. What a dream. She blushed at the mere thought. What on earth would elicit a dream like that? It had been a nice dream though. She smiled and relaxed. It was only a dream, no one would find out. A giggle escaped her.
      “What’s so funny?”
      She stiffened. “Chakotay?”
      “The one and only.”
      She turned to face him. “How...”
      “Well as I recall, you came barging into the holodeck, dressed as Queen Arachnia, handcuffed me and said I was to be your love slave or be pushed out an airlock.”
      “What?!”
      “Oh, and you make an adorable Maquis prisoner.”
      Her cheeks heated. “Pheromones. The Doctor said it was the pheromones in the air.” There was a scientific explanation, she hadn’t just gone crazy and gone to bed with half of her senior staff for no reason.
      Chakotay’s face darkened. “I guess that’s my cue. Time to go.”
      She watched him get up, finding she was unwilling to let him go. “Not so fast.”
      He turned to look at her.
      “Aren’t you my love slave? Slaves can’t just walk out on their masters like that, can they?”
      “I guess not. Unless they’re asked to?”
      Her mouth watered at the sight of his sweaty golden skin. She didn’t need any airborne pheromones to appreciate this man. She smiled at him. “Show me those gorgeous dimples of yours and I’ll never ask you to leave.”
      He grinned widely and sat back down on the bed. “Okay, we did the Marquis and Starfleet game, we did the Arachnia and her love slave game. What now?”
      “Kathryn and Chakotay?”
      “Sounds perfect.”



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